Quick Tools for a Sane Thanksgiving

Facing significant stress seeing family members over Thanksgiving is very real for so many of us. Here at Bethesda Counseling Services, we feel you. We're therapists and coaches, and were real people, too, with real families. We can't help you with your turkey, but we can share a few of our favorite tools for dealing with difficult family relationships over the holidays.

Take a Walk: this is an absolute favorite, especially if home is not Alaska. Getting outside can help by getting our blood flowing, giving us exercise, connecting us to nature, and giving us a (literal) breather. Even better if someone you like wants to come with you! So what if you take ten walks? All the better if you're eating a big, rich dinner.

Practice de-personalizing. Taking nothing personally, one of the agreements with ourselves in the wonderful book, "The Four Agreements," by Don Miguel Ruiz, can be life changing. It means recognizing that most of what other people do and say has nothing to do with us. As other people say things we may find triggering, it can be helpful to remind ourselves that the person's actions and words likely have almost nothing to do with us.

Build allies: Nothing feels alone in quite the same way as being the only person who voted for candidate A at a table of people who voted for Candidate B, or the only atheist in a table of evangelicals, or any such divide. No matter the divide, asking for support from anyone at the gathering who may be willing to support you can help not just you, but them. Providing another person with an opportunity to help can be a gift to you both. If you're not sure how to ask for help, Edgar Shein's book "Helping: How to Offer, Give, and Receive Help" has some great information.

Be kind to yourself. No matter what tools you use, please remember that you don't have to be perfect. The rest of your family certainly isn't, either. You are entitled to feel all your feelings. You may slip. You may slip a lot, and that's OK. Doing our best is the best we can do, and that's enough.