Carving Out Quality Time

I often see individuals and couples who are searching for a stronger connection with their romantic partner yet struggle with the busyness of their lives, responsibilities, and may feel discouraged or ashamed about how long it’s been since they’ve carved out intentional one-on-one time with their partner.

Quality time is a shared, meaningful opportunity to be present, connect, and build intimacy with your significant other. The content of what you’re doing together can range from participating in a new activity, sharing a meal together, or sitting down and talking about your aspirations and appreciations about your relationship. Whatever you decide to do together, put down your devices, make eye contact, and allow yourself to truly see your significant other as they are showing up in the present moment. I typically suggest that couples refrain from discussing “administrative” tasks during this time (e.g. children, work, household chores, extended family) and instead focus on gratitude and appreciation you have for your partner, shared goals and aspirations for your relationship, shared interests, and being open to learning something new about the person you’re with. If you’re struggling with where to start, reflect back to the start of your relationship.

What did you bond over?

What did you laugh about together?

What made you look at your significant other and feel admiration, love, contentment, or appreciation?

Even if some of those things may have shifted throughout the duration of your relationship, try to return to those shared connection points with playfulness, setting the intention of putting your best self forward, and accept your partner and how they’re showing up with you during this shared moment. Life may currently be in a busy season, however making time on a regular and consistent basis to sit with your partner and connect can foster feelings of safety, trust, enjoyment, intimacy, and love. I encourage you to find time this week regardless of if it’s 20 minutes or 2 hours, to set aside time to be with your significant other, enjoying each other for who you are.

-Chima