Making New Friends

Making and sustaining friendships whether as a teenager or as an adult is something that many people find challenging. Friendships are often wonderful sources of support, companionship, and humor. It’s a connection where people come together to share and relate over similar interests, hobbies, and values. Like any relationship, friendships are something that require continual effort, vulnerability, and patience. A common misconception across the age-range that I often hear is that no one is looking or desiring a new person to join their friend group. In reality it is quite the opposite. Many individuals struggle with loneliness, and desire deeply connective relationships and can feel alone even when around others (even if they outwardly present as talkative). A few ways to create or strengthen your friendships are to;

• Join a regularly meeting group, volunteer opportunity, recreational sport, craft or hobby, book club, or game. Showing up consistently shows others you are available to meet and interact with new people.
• Initiating conversation with eye contact, smiling, small talk, and friendliness. Remember that by opening up your body language, you are displaying a more welcoming opportunity for others to connect with you.
• Identify acquaintances you already have that could become closer friends. Maybe there is someone already in your life that you only talk about surface level things that could be someone you start to hangout with more frequently or reach out to more often.
• Actively listen when others are talking. People typically connect easier if they feel heard, respected, and listened to. Try listening to what the other person is truly saying and ask follow up questions about their interests.
• Acceptance that not everyone is a great fit for you. This does not mean that something is wrong with you. If someone is displaying rudeness, is flaky with plans, or doesn’t respond to your messages to spend time together, it is okay that not everyone will be a great fit for becoming a friend.
• Patience with the process. Having one or two very close friends whom you trust and can be your authentic self with fulfils the desire for social connection more so than being in a large group where you feel you have to “perform” to fit in.

If you are struggling to make or sustain friendships than you might benefit from counseling. Bring up in your sessions what your personal strengths and interests are, and be open to explore what are some barriers that are preventing genuine connection with others.

-Chima