How to Find the Right Therapist Match for You
You might often hear that your first step to healing is taking the courage to start therapy. In my experience, this first step can be daunting if the therapist does not match your energy and you don’t feel connected to your therapist. According to evidence based research within the field of psychotherapy, the effectiveness of therapy is predominantly determined by the therapeutic relationship i.e. the relationship between the therapist and the client.
Looking for a therapist can feel a lot like dating. There are multiple websites to browse, profiles to read, and that hopeful first session where you ask, “Will this person get me?” With so many options and therapy styles out there, it’s easy to feel overwhelmed or unsure where to begin and how to find your right match. In this blog, we’ll explore how to navigate the process of finding a therapist who truly fits your needs, values, and personality.
Before you start searching, pause and ask yourself what brings me to therapy at this moment? Do I need support around anxiety, relationships, trauma, identity, grief, or something else? Am I looking for short-term support or long-term growth? Being clear on your goals even if they shift later can help you find someone whose expertise aligns with your needs.
Therapists work from different theoretical frameworks and schools of thought, which shape how they guide your healing journey. Here are a few common ones:
- CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy): Focuses on thoughts, feelings, and behavior patterns.
- DBT (Dialectical Behavior Therapy): Great for emotional regulation and relationships thereby specifically targeting behaviors and outcomes.
- Psychodynamic: Explores childhood and unconscious patterns that influence the present.
- Humanistic / Person-Centered: Emphasizes authenticity, respect, unconditional positive regard, and empathy as its driving force.
- Expressive Arts, Play, or Somatic Based Therapy: For those who prefer nonverbal or body-based approaches to tap into our subconscious and bring it to surface.
- Relational Cultural Therapy : Focuses on viewing individuals from the larger context and understanding how systems and environment influence one’s worldview and ways of being.
You don’t need to know all the lingo—but understanding what resonates with you can help narrow your search. A lot of therapists might often engage in offering an eclectic approach which means they utilize a blend of varying theoretical frameworks and models to cater to individual needs and customize it based on the client.
So far, we have established that therapy is most powerful when you feel safe and affirmed. This gets us to the next step which is to explore the cultural and racial dynamics in play when engaging in the intimate space of therapy that influences our relationship. Consider asking yourself, if I want someone who shares or understands my cultural background, identity, or lived experience? Is it important to me that they’re trauma-informed, LGBTQ+ affirming, or faith-based? Do I feel more comfortable with a certain gender or age group? These preferences aren’t shallow, they help create a foundation of trust which is paramount to successful therapy.
Once you have filtered out the above information and find your match, consider asking the potential therapist for a consultation. Most therapists offer a free consultation so make use of it! Here are some questions you can consider asking :
- What is your approach to therapy?
- Have you worked with clients like me before?
- How do you navigate feedback or cultural differences?
Pay attention not just to their answers, but how you feel. Do you feel heard? Rushed? Validated? Your comfort and gut feeling is key to unlocking the right match and making an informed decision.
And this brings us to starting a journey with the therapist you consider the right fit. Sometimes, it takes a few sessions to settle in and really build the rapport while unfolding the different layers. I often refer to this process as a roller coaster as it might come with sudden ups and downs, sometimes stale, slow, and other times overwhelmingly fast paced. All of these experiences are an organic part of therapy process. But if you consistently feel dismissed, misunderstood, or stuck in therapy, it’s okay to switch. You deserve a therapist who helps you feel seen and understood.
Finding the right therapist is a brave and important step in your mental health journey. Like any meaningful relationship, it takes time, trust, and a little trial and error. But when it clicks, it can be life-changing.
So take your time. Ask questions. And honor what your intuition tells you.