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Preparing for the Holidays: Boundaries, Expectations, and Self-Care

As the holiday season approaches it may be a good time to reflect and set some intentions to help you prepare for the season.

For many individuals, the holidays are a time to come together and celebrate traditions, family, and or, faith. I encourage you to set a word or phrase as an intention prior to the potential busyness of this time of the year. Preparing for the holidays may look different for you if you have started or added to your family, if someone close to you has passed away or is dealing with an illness, if you have a new relationship or have ended a relationship, if you live far or don’t have the means to travel or take off from work to see the people you wish to spend time with. Every situation is unique, yet below are some helpful reminders as you begin this season.

1. Setting realistic expectations and limiting comparison to others.

If you set unachievable standards of perfection for yourself or compare what you should/ought to/must do or have to others around you, your childhood memories, or to the media, it is a slippery slope towards not meeting your goals. Instead try to set expectations that are within your comfort-zone and limit the amount of pressure you may place on yourself.

2. Create personal boundaries with extended-family, nuclear family, friends, and work

The holidays can be a time where you may spend extended time with people that may activate emotions or thoughts that can create tension, frustration, embarrassment, hurt, envy, or grief. Boundaries are actionable behaviors you set for yourself for emotional and physical safety and wellness. Practice setting small boundaries, some examples may include not checking your work email on your days off, telling others you are uncomfortable discussing X and are happy to discuss X instead, excusing yourself from the conversation and walking away, deciding the length and place of your stay based on your comfortability and needs, not just the needs of others. 

3. Including self-care into your holiday routine

Remember that self-care can mean incorporating activities or routines that spark joy, creativity, or relaxation. This can be as small or large as you’d like such as remembering to do your daily hygiene, going for a mindful walk, spending time doing a hobby you enjoy, watching or reading something you find humorous or enjoyable. Remind yourself at the root of taking care of others is taking care of yourself, filling your cup before emptying it to others is a practice of self-love and nourishment.

-Chima Dimgba